Tis the season...

So I gave him the key to my apartment as part of his xmas present, and a matching set of penguin shirts that I made for us. I'm such a dork, lol. but they turned out cute.

We had a nice trip to Sedona together which was probably our first out of town overnight trip that actually worked out and we didn't argue. He thought about staying in Jerome too but I picked Sedona. It just feels weird to me knowing that he picked out that cute bed&breakfast in Jerome to take B there just a few months ago....... Bleeeeck!
I wonder if these old memories will ever pass. It's funny how an ex from before a couple meets vs an ex after a couple meets and dates, can make such a huuuge difference, even if we weren't dating.


I've been at home for the last couple of days and it makes me realize a lot of things. My parents have this wonderful way of interacting. They're like pecking hens that won't stop pecking at each other over the smallest of things... It's godawful. It makes me see how some of the horrible habits I have are probably from watching them as a kid. It makes me realize how I never want to be like that when I grow up and how differently I want to do things. For the first time I actually thought about having a family and kids and what I *would* do. Usually, seeing my parents turns me off so much towards any type of relationship and certainly marriage but perhaps things have been going really well btwn us lately that even the horrendous sight of my parents can't ruin it for me. I can actually see us having a future together, it's kind of scary. I can actually see myself having kids for crying out loud (or maybe that's just cause I've been studying a lot of OB/GYN lately, lol). Either way, I think it's a good direction that I'm going in. Nobody wants to die alone and I'm tired of being so cynical about life at times.


Although one thing I must note: NEVER, EVER should I go home for more than 2-3 days at a time. It's giving me panic attacks. seriously. panic attacks. The stress of having the parents around.... yeah, get me out of here soon, pls.

Fun and chores?

I'm wasting my time with cute but rather useless craft projects. I finished a pair of fancy socks. I just went out and bought more yarn to start a fancy pair of gloves or a nice cardigan. I don't even have the time.

I have a journal club presentation I should be working on.
I should be working out.

I have an easy as pie rotation right now that won't last forever, sadly, and I take advantage of it by knitting?

So many times I feel like I never make use of time because I spend it on one of my various, silly hobbies. Then as I'm playing games, knitting, or sewing it starts to feel like a chore. They tend to drag, and the stress of all the other things I *should* be doing only add to that feeling.

'Tis a sad life when one can't enjoy the things that make us happy. :\

New ends and Old beginnings

Perhaps it's about time I started to blog again.

An old beginning
of old things I never began. I pass from day to day with a blur; a faint recollection of what occurred last week, this morning, or 2 years ago. My memories conglomerated into a convoluted time continuum with utter lack of order or entirety. My current thoughts a whirl of constant change.

New ends
to old habits, to the weeds that grow so pleasantly though not pleasingly.
Productivity. Efficiency. Seemingly elusive but I know they are within reach. Somehow I must manage to blindly find them through the smog of exhaustion, fatigue, helplessness that clouds my way.


We shall see. I hope I do not find myself in the endless mists of the seas.